Top Ten Lists

Gathered by Matt S

Please notice that some of these are comedy. If you don't want to be offended, then don't read it. Some of these lists were written by me or have commentary by me.

David Letterman's Top Ten

Letterman's most recent top ten list updated. This doesn't have anything to do with skepticism that I know of. Personally, I think that Jay Leno is more interesting. "David Letterman" is a perfect anagram for "nerd amid late TV." "Jay Leno" is a perfect anagram for "enjoy L.A."

Ten Steps

"The Ten Steps" is a 10 minute video from Ireland and a great video to watch on Halloween. Irish lass Katie is alone and doesn't know who or what is lurking in the basement. I would call it a psychological thriller instead of a hyped thriller. It's directed and written by Brendan Muldowney. When you watch it all, you'll know why I added it to the Skeptics Top Ten List.

LiveScience.com's Top Ten Science Myths

Myths #1 through 10.
Update: Another ten! Myths #11 through 20.

• • •

From James Randi and This is True.

Taken from This is True, featuring bizarre-but-true news items from the world's press, we give you these Top Ten indications that you’re over-obsessed with religion:

10 – You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.
9 – You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that humans were created from dirt.
8 – You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.
7 – Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the male first-born babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" – including women, children, and trees.
6 – You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods consorting with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.
5 – You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of the Earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is about a couple of generations old.
4 – You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs – though excluding those in all rival sects – will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering, and yet you consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."
3 – While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor “speaking in tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" your choice of religions to be the correct one.
2 – You define .01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers, and consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% failure was simply the will of God.
1 – You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history – but you still call yourself a Christian.

Accompanying this list was an interesting addition from Joseph Campbell, the writer and author best known for his work in the fields of mythology and religion:

The wicked thing about both the little and the great "collective faiths," prehistoric and historic, is that they all, without exception, pretend to hold encompassed in their ritualized mythologies all of the truth ever to be known.

They are therefore cursed, and they curse all who accept them, with what I shall call the "error of the found truth," or, in mythological language, the sin against the Holy Ghost.

They set up against the revelations of the spirit the barriers of their own petrified belief, and, therefore, within the ban of their control, mythology, as they shape it, serves the end only of binding potential individuals to whatever system of sentiments may have seemed to the shapers of the past (now sanctified as saints, sages, ancestors or even gods) to be appropriate to their concept of a great society.

• • •

In no particular order, Ten Video Games that are Skeptical or are made by the sillier religious people

10. "God's Playing Field." I'm guessing that he or she got the idea for this from a "The Far Side" cartoon by Gary Larson. In the particular comic strip, God is typing at his computer, when a buffoon walks under the hanging piano. God reaches over and is about to press the smite button.
9. "Keep Katie Quiet" from Break.com or addictinggames.com . It's Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and that weird Xenu alien god or sorcerer. I don't believe in the Church of Scientology.
8. "The Flying Spaghetti Monster Game." The Cthulhu diety (Don't ask about him; he's too weird.), aliens, and The Flying Spaghetti monster are examples of characters that appear in parodies of Intelligent Design. The fact that we exist doesn't prove that the Intelligent Designer must be The God of Judaism or of Christianity.
7. "God Games" on Wikipedia. "God Games" is a figure of speak and you don't always play as God. However, in some computer games such as "Rise of The Triad," there is a God mode where you get to throw balls of bright light out of your hand that hurt people.
6. There's an online "Da Vinci Code" game, and also for the Playstation 2 and PC.
5. "Walls of Jericho" can be found at Gamehouse.com and The Full Armor Studios Web Site. It doesn't really affect me as far as the religious persuasion, but the game has rules that are a little weird and a little annoying. It's a little cheesy or "ho-hum" to me.
4. About five years ago, I read about an online cyber-church from Gopher's Bizarre Newsletter, Yahoo's News of The Weird, or a similar web site. People could get a user-name and log in to the virtual reality church as an avatar. Something didn't sound right or maybe it was made for people that don't leave the house such as shut-ins, people with social anxiety disorder, or have health problems where they can't leave the house. Anyways, people were logging in as God, The Devil, verbally harassing, or maybe saying that they were somebody else. It reminds me of how I've heard that people get harassed in "The Sims" series of video games.
3. I was a high school senior four years after the Doom 2 computer game first went on sale. I had a schoolmate who was a junior and a Jehovah's witness. We knew he was already bothering other students and some of my classmates said he has ADD. Once he told me this stupid story or sick joke about how he thinks that the demons in the computer game are controlling me. Get a clue. How can people who play Doom or Heretic be satanists since we're playing against the fictional demon characters instead of for the demons? Come on, people! Four of the characters from Doom 2 don't even make sense. The cacodemon has no body below the neck, is anti-gravity, and spits fire. The pain elemental is anti-gravity, spits out skulls that on are on fire, and when it dies it will transmogrify into 2 more skulls. Another enemy has amphibious or reptilian yellow skin, conjures up fire through telekinesis, and does sorcery or black magic to raise some dead bodies. The goat on level 30 either is a teleportion chamber or is preposterous like Minerva in the brain of Jupiter. Blocks fly out of the goat's forehead that transform into different monsters. The game is theatrical or melodromatic and not realistic. We know its fiction, so back off. If Joe Shmoe is gullible enough to believe in demons, then does he also believe in Freddy Krueger, Frankenstein's monster, and zombies? He reminds me of the people that think that there's sorcery or Satanism in Harry Potter or that there's credible Christianity in the fiction books of Narnia.
2. "Bible Defenders" and "Soldier Of God:" These don't even look that interesting to me. "Bible Defenders" looks like it's tweaked off of code from a "Super Mario All-Stars" emulator or a Mario Forever game engine before version 4.0 was posted. First of all, heathens or skeptics aren't murderous. They believe in the Ten Commandments, but that they were written earlier or not by God or Moses. Dr. (sic) Kent Hovind himself said of this game: "It's great. I love it." Wait a minute! Kent Hovind is out of prison!? He forged a diploma and is in trouble in Florida with the IRS. Who thinks that Kent Hovind is a legitimate scientist?
1. At the bottom of this page (Update: her page has changed to different movie.), Miss Acharya S has an expose video about the Left Behind video game and the end-time prophecies. I like the God that's worshipped by Martin Luther King Jr., but I hate the war God that's worshipped by J@ck Ch1ck, Tim LaHaye, and Jerry Jenkins.

Ten Celebrities From The Church of Scientology

10. Musician Edgar Winter (source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientology)
9. Priscilla Pressley
8. Lisa Marie Pressley
7. Kirstie Alley from Cheers and Veronica's Closet
6. Musician Beck (source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientology)
5. Jenna Elfman from Dharma & Greg, and Looney Tunes: Back In Action
4. Musician Isaac Hayes
3. John Travolta from Battlefield Earth
2. Actress Nancy Cartright is also a voice actor for of Bart Simpson, Nelson Muntz, Todd Flanders, Ralph Wiggum, Kearney, and characters in other cartoons!? You read that correctly. A female from Scientology is the voice of five boys.
1. Tom Cruise from Minority Report and War of The Worlds (The Church of Scientology has been accused of spending money to impress Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes into marrying Tom Cruise.)

Note: I guess that Patrick Swayze doesn't count anymore. He went from Catholicism to Scientology to Buddhism.

Am I a Scientologist? Heck, no.

Ten Unusual Things For Patron Saints.

First I would like to clear up some confusion and mention that I think there's more than one saint named Joseph, John and Josaphat.
10. In the stories of Saint Theresa and Saint Christina, they are said to have died, gone to hell, resurrected, or even levitated. I don't believe it. I read about this in The Encyclopedia of Hell.
9. St George is a fictional character. In the story, he was Palestinian or 50% Palestinian, and slays a serpent or dragon. This story is so much like the Sumerian-Babylonian Marduk killing the serpent or Dragon Goddess Tiamat that it is probably based off of it.
8. St. Joseph is the patron Saint of realtors or home sellers. The legend is that if you bury a figurine or statue of St. Joseph upside-down on your land, then your land will sell faster. I don't get it. By that same logic, what if the next owner of the house never finds it to dig it up? Then would he sell the house faster than if he dug him up?
7. There are two saints named St. Josephat. The St. Josephat that I'm talking about is probably a composite or fictional character because the story of him is so much like that of Buddha that the Crusaders probably copied him off of Buddha.
6. Hemorrhoids!? - Fiacre, St. Goncalo (as listed on a rationalist's (!?) web site). I just hope that they are the patron saints of HEALING hemorrhoids instead of causing hemorrhoids! It reminds me of these Bible passages.
5. Happy Death?? - Saint Joseph

4, 3, 2. Try reading all three of these out loud with a straight face:

"This is a scanned refrigerator magnet I had gotten for free at Von's Books in West Lafayette when I made a purchase. Thinking about that "Thou shalt not kill" commandment, I don't know if Caedwalla of Wales has the distinction of being the Patron Saint FOR serial killers or the Patron Saint AGAINST serial killers!?"

1. Television - St. Clara, Saint Gabriel Archangel. Who thought of this one? It reminds me of the "What Would Jesus Drive" car commercials that aired in the US a few years back. Some historians think that the last additions or changes to the New Testament were between 95 and 100 AD. Parts of the New Testament could have been written in Greece, Turkey, Rome, Lebanon, or Palestine, but I'm not going to take the time yet to explain why I think so. If you're in Greece, Turkey, Rome, Lebanon, or Palestine in 100 AD, then you're not going be driving a car or watching television. It reminds me of a quote of "Would Jesus wear a Rolex watch on his televangelist show?" from somebody who I think is George Carlin.

Update: I was watching one of the very last Bob Barker episodes of "The Price is Right." The showcase's theme was about patron saints. The announcer said that St. Maartin is the patron saint of barbers and then a trip to the island of St. Maartin was featured in the showcase.

Ten Sayings that are on refrigerator magnets or bumper stickers or should be.

10. My Karma backed up over your dogma. (In the office of a Purdue English Professor)
9. WWYHWHD - "What would Jehovah do?" (If you put this on your car, then how would I know if you're joking?)
8. What Would Buddha Do?
7. Jesus is coming. Look busy.
6. If Christ is the answer, what was the question?
5. Jesus saves. Moses invests.
4. Git 'Er done for Jesus. (This was named after a comedian cable guy that kept on saying, "Git 'Er done." If you have air time and can't speak standardized English, then you get on my nerves and don't impress me.)
3. Jesus loves you. Everybody else thinks you're a prick.
2. God is my co-pilot. But then we crashed in the Andes, we drew straws, and I ate him.
1. I love Jesus, the Son of God. But I still hate other people's kids. (I made up this one after noticing people that hate other people's kids.)

My Top Ten Crypto Zoological or Mythical Creatures

10. A hoax about a monster going on a rampage and killing people on Chinese television probably from themuseumofhoaxes.com .
9. A three-foot worm that breathes out acid or fire was reported in China according to "The Ripley's Believe It or Not" comic strip from 2006. Investigations found nothing. I think that it was a hallucination or hoax.
8. I believe that it was in Bizarre Phenomena from TIME LIFE books, that there are cases of frogs, toads, and newts that have been found alive after being put in freezers for many years or found in hermetically sealed arid crevices after being chipped open. They must have a serious survival mechanism to hibernate, freeze alive, or go into a total body shutdown if these aren't hoaxes. On this Australian news web site, a lady talks about how she found a frog, thawed it out, it survived, and became known as "The Miracle frozen frog." It's ironic that this example of surivival of the fittest was in the city of Darwin, Australia.
7. On crypto zoological web sites, and in the "Ripley's Believe It or Not" comic strip, a giant wolf-like creature killed and ate people. The story is that somebody killed it and found human bones in its stomach. I think that it's exagerated, a hoax, or that it's a hybrid like a liger or tigon.
6. Pterodactyl sightings from unusual publications like the Fortean Times. A theory is that the thunderbird of Native American folklore was based on somebody finding a skeleton of an extinct animal like the pterodactyl.
5. Chupacabras from Puerto Rico and Mexico. "Chupacabra" translated means goat sucker. There seem to be two descriptions of chupacabras. One is that they look like aliens, demons, or demon-aliens. The other description is that they are hairless and malnourished or diseased coyotes, wolves, dogs, or rodents. Another explanation is that it's paranoia, a hoax, or a folk tale that went too far. I can believe that they're hairless and homeless animals with health problems. There are variations to the stories.
4. The skin-walkers, Yeti, Bigfoot, or Sasquatch: The giant skin-walkers of the Taos Pueblo, Navajo, or Hopi seem to be a different version of Bigfoot in my opinion. The Yeti tracks are probably just footprints of a running bear. In Discover Magazine, somebody claimed to have found Bigfoot or Sasquatch hair. The hair was given to geneticists. The geneticists are 100% sure that the hair is from Buffalo or Bison. Bigfoot is described as being covered with hair, walking on two legs, and about 8 feet tall. I can't help but wonder if these are 1,000 or 2,000-year-old Native American anthropomorphic legends about bears that didn't translate right since they fit the description.
3. Tahoe Tessie and China's Lake Tianchi Monster from themuseumofhoaxes.com, The Loch Ness Monster or Nessie, Champ, and other lake monsters of the world.
2. Any garden-variety mutant or undead monster from The Book of Revelation that is chimera-like, spits fire, bites on swords, predicts the future, or likes to watch people die. Also if it has extra eyes, horns, legs, or heads. The Book of Revelation is inappropriate and was written by a madman. If you believe in The Book of Revelation then please admit yourself to the American Psychiatric Association.
1. The Orang Pendek little ape-man of Sumatra is very interesting. It's in National Geographic and other sources. Nobody's photographed it and we don't know if it's hoax. Some wonder if this ape or humanoid is related to homo erectus, homo neanderthal, homo heidelbergensis, homo ergaster, or etc. Go to this web page of the National Geographic Channel and type ape-man in the "Search All Video" blank. The video will load in Internet Explorer, but not in Mozilla Firefox 1.508.

Ten Anagrams About Faith or From the Da Vinci Code

10. Mormon Sect = Monster.com
9. Mormon Ideas = Marie Osmond (She's actually a Mormon. I am not kidding.)
8. Parishioners = I Hire Parsons
7. Presbyterian = Best In Prayer
Or:
Presbyterian = Britney Spears
6. Televangelist = let evil's agent
5. The Last Supper = Streuth! Apples?,
4. The Mona Lisa = O, Lame Saint (From The Da Vinci Code)
3. Leonardo Da Vinci = O, Draconian Devil (From The Da Vinci Code)
2. Madonna of the rocks = So dark the con of man. (From The Da Vinci Code)
1. "Ave Maria, gratia plena, Dominus tecum" (Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord [is] with you) = "Virgo serena, pia, munda et immaculata" (Bright virgin, pious, clean and spotless) from this page on Wikipedia.

Ten Anagrams About Other Things Relating to Skeptics or Religion

10. Shirley Maclaine = American Yells "Hi" (Shirley Maclaine is very bizarre and tells stories that I don't believe.)
9. Billy Graham = Big Rally Ham
8. Salman Rushdie = Read, Shun Islam

Junk Science:
7. Tobacco Is Our Middle Name = Communicate Bloodier Ads / Carcinoma Doubt? Some Lied! (I can't believe the Tobacco Lobby's claims that cigarettes don't cause a higher rate of cancer.)
6. Public Relations = Crap, Built On Lies
    Or:
    Public Relations = I Practise Bull, No? (Reminds me of the Tobacco Lobby)

    Apocalypse scenarios or failed End-Times Predictions:
5. The End Of The World Is Nigh! = Down This Hole, Frightened!
4. Year Two Thousand = A Year To Shut Down

Aliens:
3. Is There Life on Mars? = Aliens? Mothers' rife!
2. Gillian Anderson = No Aliens, Darling
1. Alien Abductions = Tabloid Nuisance.

Ten Palindromes about The Middle East, Religion or Religion-Themed Characters

Please notice that since these are palindromes, I've put the center letters in bold and italics so that you don't get a headache from trying to read it back and forth to find the center letter. There are some other clever ones, but I don't have the time to list them all yet.
10. Cain: A maniac!
9. Ah, Satan sees Natasha.
8. Dennis and Edna sinned.
7. Devil never even lived.
6. Deny me not; atone, my Ned. (For some reason, this reminds me of Ned Flanders, the Christian next-door neighbor from "The Simpsons.")
5. "Madam, in Eden, I'm Adam."
    Response: "Eve."
    Or:
    "Madam, I'm Adam."
4. Dennis, no misfit can act if Simon sinned. (I believe the the Apostle Peter's name in Greek is "Simon Peter" or "Simone Petras.")

3. Zeus: "Nile macaroni, Ma, is a nitrate-tart in Asia Minor, a camel in Suez."

S A T O R

A R E P O

T E N E T

O P E R A

R O T A S

It can be read in any direction.

•2. "Sator Arepo Tenet Opera Rotas." Some say that this palindrome from 79 AD is Christian, while others say it isn't. The two "tenets" do actually make a crude cross, but we don't know if it's a coincidence.

1. This is the world's longest or second longest palindrome. There are a lot of words that have to do with crypto zoology, folklore, zodiac constellations, Religion, words in the Bible, the Middle East, Mythology, Rome, or the Devil. Some are very clever phrases. The people that wrote this palindrome must have been serious about getting into the Guinness Book of World Records.